I have this very intense urge right now and I’m trying so hard to fight it. My heart is kind of racing. I feel nervous a little. Universe, what the heck are you trying to do to me? Where is this energy coming from and why?

I need to get this out…so maybe this will help and I will be able to let this go.

Maybe I’m delusional, but I feel you trying to reach out.

What is going on in your world? And why is the universe pulling me towards you?

I think of you more often than I’d like to admit. I hardly know you, but I know I care for you. Even though you didn’t treat me very well, I still made excuses for you. It was a difficult time for you and I both. I know you were hurting and so was I. I didn’t know it at the time, but I wasn’t ready for you. And you weren’t for me.

Maybe I’m just delusional. It’s just all in my head. Which is very possible. But why am I getting this urge? I can’t find a better explanation other than… you’re thinking about me just enough for the Universe to WANT- to LET ME KNOW. 

That karmic bond I wrote about a while ago, it’s real. Cause why else after months of silence I’m still writing about you? 

This is something I can’t really talk to anyone else about. People wouldn’t understand. There are tons of reasons why I should stay away. But truth be told, these reasons are based on just the surface of who you are and what others see. You may think you’re pretty good at hiding what goes on underneath that cool exterior…but dear I see you. There is just so much more to you than you allow people to see. So much good buried under so much fear. 

Maybe I should look in the mirror as well. I too have so much going on inside of me that no one really gets to see. I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve. I can’t verbally express how I feel. I refuse to show anyone weakness. I refuse to let you know you hurt my feelings. Instead I just play it cool…like I don’t care about you at all. 

::Deep breath:: I do care about you and you did hurt my feelings. I had to let that out. I had to let the universe know why I’m struggling so much just to reach out. 

I’m not the one who walked away. That’s my reason to just leave this alone. I cannot be someone’s option, someone’s second choice. I know what I need, I know what I deserve. And that’s to be the only girl you see in the room. 

That’s all…now lets see if this urge will go away 😦