If Only…

I reflect on how things ended. On all the mistakes I made. There were so many.

I cringe, replaying the things I said to you. I was so insecure. Pointing fingers at you when I couldn’t have my way. Criticizing instead of taking responsibility. All to relieve the smallness I felt about myself.

If only I had more self-awareness.

I hurt you because I was terrified of getting hurt.

You see, you’re a dream come true. Everything I’ve ever longed for…is you.

But dreams don’t really come true. They are like miracles that happen seldomly. Who am I? To be so lucky…that someone like you could love someone like me? I sabotaged us before we really even began.

If only I wasn’t so cynical.

I wear this mask so well. Hiding how much I wish I could change about myself. Wishing I was more of this… and more of that.

And then I allowed my ego to take center stage. Telling myself I don’t really care. That you were just one of many that have come and gone. I let you go. So easily.

If only I wasn’t such a coward.

Now it’s too late. Because you know what you deserve.

You are so sure of yourself… but in a way, I admire so much. You are deeply kind. Carrying a silent strength that many are so intimated by. A quiet exterior and fascinating mind. Like I said, a dream come true.

If only I could take it all back. If only I could turn back the hands of time. If only I had another chance.

Image by Alan from Pixabay

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About me…let’s see….I would say I am a TRUE Virgo. If you knew me, then you would so agree. There are quite a few things I care deeply about. Off the top of my head, I would say with much passion, my family, friends, the environment and world peace. Oh and animals. Can't forget them. I think I love animals more than most humans, lol. I believe it’s important to surround yourself with good people. Be picky with who you let in your circle. The environment, the earth does not belong to us. We are merely just visiting for a period of time. So lets no abuse it. World peace, that’s a hard one. It’s not a perfect world, but wouldn't it be wonderful if every child, women and man were safe? We can’t change the world and every single soul living on earth. But one person can make a great difference in the surroundings in which they live. Wouldn't you agree? Let’s not forget what fuels my soul, music. It speaks for me when I can’t. It expresses my feelings when I am unaware of what they are. It has a way of lifting my spirits when I am down. It has this magical power that is able to touch my heart with just lyrics alone. I wouldn't know what I would do without it. Poetry, I love poetry. In all forms...written or spoken. I think that's it :) Wait, then there is God, the source of everything. Astrology, quantum physics, Abraham Hicks, Agape...I should just end this now, LOL.

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