I have always been a relationship kind of girl. Never really just “dated” multiple people. Although I wish I would. But I don’t think it’ll actually happen. It’s hard enough for me to open up to people close to me. I can’t imagine opening up to a bunch of strangers.

Yes I blog and have written some pretty intimate things about my life. Only because it’s therapeutic for me. And I’m writing it, not saying it. I think it’s the actual words coming out of my mouth that I struggle with. I’m just uncomfortable with emotions as a whole 😂

I’m emotionally mature now. I swear 😉Thank you universe for all the experiences and a great mental capability to have learned. To be able to no longer carry the broken glasses from the past.

I credit that to my time alone. I’ve been single for a little over 4 years now. My heart has been officially shut off to the world for two.

Not really a big deal though. I’ve been single for long periods before. Always been OK with being alone. I don’t spend my nights wishing for someone…well at least not just anyone. I rather sleep alone than next to a body I have no connection with. I feel awkward just thinking about it.

Not everyone is built the same. I’ve come to learn people are vastly different when it comes to love and emotions. Thank you to astrology. Virgos are very goal oriented and we don’t wear our heart on our sleeve. Cancers are very sensitive and there’s no hiding their emotions.

I wonder. If we’re all wired a certain way, than what’s the right way to be and what’s not? Hmmm….interesting. Like what’s wrong if she jumps from relationships to relationships? She was created with DNA that is meant to put love before anything else. So she’s always searching for that love. He was created to be powerful. To put money before love. So…who are we to say she or he is wrong?

We were all created for a purpose. Being a great mom and having children who turn into great adults could be one. Starting a revolution with “I have a dream” is another. Humphry Davy and the incandescent light bulb???  All these people probably didn’t know it as children that they would die leaving legacies. Somehow life took them to these places. It’s destiny.

The thing is, not all of us are able to achieve what we were created for. Tough childhoods, abuse, years of self medicating and indulging in toxic relationships ruin it for many.

We’re given the proper tools to fight and overcome tragedy. The human brain is so vast. We have blood flowing through our veins. Air and food to give us life. We have the means to create amazing things, cure diseases and solve problems. It’s not like we aren’t given the opportunity to succeed. A lot just choose to live in the same cycles. Never really valuing themselves enough to do the work and break free.

I<<< choose to better myself. I read. I listen to Tony Robbins. I’m subscribed to Higher Self and Seekers. When I’m faced with hard times I fight and work on finding a way out. On finding solutions.  I’ve faced some pretty difficult times in my life. But who hasn’t??? We all have.

Looking back on all my troubled times now…I realize they were ascension phases. Like staircases leading to new doors. At these pivotal moments, I had choices. Which way was I gonna go? You see, we have no control but some control. When Lucy passed, I was in such a dark place. I was so broken. Back to back. One thing after another.The universe has no limits. It will force your hand when it needs to. I did the right thing. And everything that came after, I did the best I could given what I had. Many low points but I never gave up.

I think that’s where people differ. WE ARE NOT CREATED EQUAL by any means. Some of us are stronger than others. Like maybe you’ve been in love a few times. You don’t fear love maybe the way I do. You can probably profess your love without a stutter and I can’t even get a couple of words out and not look the other way.

I guess no amount of time is right. I have a solid two years. And maybe you had a solid six months. It’s where your mind-frame is at. Has my two years been in a healthy place? Lets say it hasn’t and your 6 months have been liberating. You were productive in discovering you and not drinking yourself to sleep. See my point? Not to say that time isn’t vital. When we’re going through shit we need time. Can’t force it. And if you do, then you’re gonna continue in toxic cycles. I guarantee you.  One unhealthy relationship to the next. It’s tiring!

My two years have been healthy by the way, lol 😊 I’ve been tested that’s for sure. I needed it. I needed all these things to happen so I wouldn’t revert back to any old cycles. I needed to completely break in order to fix all the other temporary fixes. If these things didn’t happen, I’d be where I was at two years ago. And I never wanna be stagnant. I love growth. I find joy accomplishing little and big things. Mentally, emotional and physically.

When is enough time alone really enough? Well…I know what’s enough for me. As for you…Only you honestly really know. Be careful not to fool yourself 😌 😇😘 -XO