I Admit

I admit, sometimes I drink a little too much.

Is it the numbness I desire? Because I really don’t feel numb.

I feel it, all of it.

I smile more, dance more. I cry more, scream louder.

I feel it, all of it.

When the walls are caving in and I find it hard to breathe, I reach for that drink…

i can breathe now.

Even with my body curled up on the bathroom floor…

i can breathe now.

When I’m in pain, that drink makes it less difficult to bear.

I feel it, all of it.

It’s not all bad though.

In a world filled with so much noise, it eases me…

brings me out in a crowded room.

frees me from the dailies of life.

faithful to me as I am to it.

I admit it, sometimes I drink a little too much.

 

Art By Carrie Graber – Los AngelesΒ 

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4 thoughts on “I Admit”

  1. I don’t drink that much and I’ve never gotten drunk… but I started reaching for an occasional bottle of beer after a particularly hard day at work. And this was a very tough week for me in all facets of my life, so I started to want the numbness of drink, as well, and realized the slippery slope it could really be. I mean, I trust myself and I still have never gotten drunk, but I can surprisingly relate to this right now… Thanks for sharing.

    1. I totally understand. I was going through a really hard time in my life at one point and I started drinking everyday. It takes a whole lot of self awareness to know you’re heading down a dark path. I trust myself as well but during that time I didn’t see the habit I was forming. Everyday was a bad day so I’d have a drink. Now I have a tendency to drink more than I should. So just be careful. Addiction is a horrible thing. Unless it’s love and chocolate πŸ˜‚

      1. Yeah I think everyone trusts themselves, which makes me not trust the trust in myself πŸ˜‚ I always worried about addiction, so I tried my best to refrain from anything “seductive.” Even coffee, I didn’t start drinking until college and try to keep it at one a day (except it’s so hard in winter and I need two…). So I was wary about the urge to have a bottle of beer after a bad day at work…
        Sorry to hear about the hard time you had to go through… You be careful too! πŸ’—

      2. Exactly lol I don’t trust the trust in myself sometimes too. I use to drink a few cups of coffee a day. Now just one, thankfully. The struggle sometimes smh anyways, thanks! I will πŸ™‚

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