Me reaching out…

It’s been awhile since I last heard your voice. With the passing days, months and years, I still think of you from time to time. Yes, I still worry about you. You’re the past that still appears in my present. I can tell myself a million different reasons in regard to why we didn’t work, why we couldn’t work. You there, me here. We existed in two different worlds. I tried keeping you close, but at an arms length is where I stayed.  The constant effort was so exhausting. In hopes of something tangible I never gave up. You always kept me circling back. My emotions were always a mess with you. I could never comprehend why I let you drive me so crazy. It took me walking away to see us for what we really were to each other. I won’t speak for you, because truly I’ll never know what my presence meant to you. But YOU… you  taught me how to be vulnerable, something I so desperately needed. You were a special gift from the universe that helped me grow. A karmic lesson that woke me from years of entrapment. Of all the walls I’ve put up due to so much hurt, anger, violence. I never really knew how to love without conditions. I lacked the ability to truly open up and trust anyone. It was ALWAYS Me, Myself and I. You were the pathway to a new way of thinking. To a new way of being. I’ve always embraced my strong, warrior goddess side but never my weak side. I do now. I’m finally free from all the chains that kept me within these walls. But still, I’ll always choose strength over weakness (let’s be real 😉). I at least have a good balance now. I’m grateful. We’ve both moved on with our lives. It’s unfortunate we couldn’t stay in each other’s life. I know it was the only way I could ever really move on from you. But don’t ever think I just stopped caring. I find myself checking your Instagram only to see your need to block me 😕 That’s OK, I just wanna know that you’re OK. I’m happy to see you’re happy (at least by the little clues you give). That you’re still doing well after everything you’ve been through. But I’m not surprised. Your bravery  and strength is why I fell as deeply as I did for you. Maybe one day we’ll both be in a place where we can let go of the past. Let go of any resentment we may have for one another. We may have not been great together in the realm of love, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. OK, maybe not friends 😅 but at least two people who appreciate what once was and somewhat able to be in each other’s life. Even at a distance. I feel like you’re still mad at me…? I hope not. But if you are, if I hurt you, I truly am sorry. I value you. You are a selfless, warm and loving woman. If my stalking status is correct, lol…you’re happy, in love and building your family. I am happy for you. Really. Maybe being in each others life would be just too much confusion. Understandable. I just hope you don’t see me as a throne in your heart 😳 When and if you ever think of me, I pray it’s not all bad. I’d like to think sometimes you smile 😊 This is me reaching out because this is the only way I know how. Weird… once I push that publish button I feel more at ease. A release of sorts. Healing. Purposeful. My ether to the universe I love so dearly. Anyways, always wishing you happiness. “Safe passage on your travels.”  image

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About me…let’s see….I would say I am a TRUE Virgo. If you knew me, then you would so agree. There are quite a few things I care deeply about. Off the top of my head, I would say with much passion, my family, friends, the environment and world peace. Oh and animals. Can't forget them. I think I love animals more than most humans, lol. I believe it’s important to surround yourself with good people. Be picky with who you let in your circle. The environment, the earth does not belong to us. We are merely just visiting for a period of time. So lets no abuse it. World peace, that’s a hard one. It’s not a perfect world, but wouldn't it be wonderful if every child, women and man were safe? We can’t change the world and every single soul living on earth. But one person can make a great difference in the surroundings in which they live. Wouldn't you agree? Let’s not forget what fuels my soul, music. It speaks for me when I can’t. It expresses my feelings when I am unaware of what they are. It has a way of lifting my spirits when I am down. It has this magical power that is able to touch my heart with just lyrics alone. I wouldn't know what I would do without it. Poetry, I love poetry. In all forms...written or spoken.

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