Yesterday I took part in the “Women’s March on Sacramento.” I had planned to go weeks in advance. But that morning when I woke, I was like…I could use a few more hours of sleep. I lifted my arms out of the layers of warmth and thought to myself, fuck it’s cold. Is that wind I hear? Fuck it’s raining. A whole 76% of me wanted to stay in bed and skip the march all together. After running things through my mind for the 10th time I asked myself, is keeping your ass in bed more important than being a part of a movement that consists of everything you believe in??? Needless to say I turned on Spotify and scrolled to Beyonce and got the fuck up.
And guess what…everyone who said they would go with me decided not to go. I’m sure for all the reasons I wanted to stay in bed. It would have been easy to say everyone flaked so I didn’t go. BUT, if I’ve learned anything from my years of what if’s, is that I am an individual. I am not an extension of anyone. I cannot continue to hold back or pause who I am. Truth is, I don’t need anyone. Whether it be my friends or a partner to live out my purpose. It would be nice, yes. To have a close nitch of friends who share the same values and vision. Or to have a partner who’s on a similar path as Iam. But, currently I don’t 😂 I’ve come to the realization that I have changed. Scratch that. I haven’t changed, I’m just developing into who I am meant to be. And within that path of being true to who I am, my inner and external world is changing. I know longer desire bodies and lame conversations. Of how my life would be different “if…” Blah, blah I’m so over the bullshit and the poor old me shit. There are REAL people out there hurting. We all have our own shit to deal with. I’m not saying your problems aren’t equal to the homeless woman standing on the curb. I’m just saying I no longer choose to deal with bullshit that I deem isn’t worth my time.
I am a healer, yes. But I’m not anyone’s saviour. If you’re an adult, I expect you to be an adult and to handle your own shit. I no longer will let others drain me with problems they cause themselves. And that’s because I only have so much energy in me. And I want to give that magic to those who really need it. I want to give my energy to fight the fights that matters to my heart. It’s time I start focusing on why I am here. In order to do that I need to eliminate toxic cycles and circles of people. I value my head space and time more than ever now.
So…after a long-winded explanation as to why I got my ass out of bed, I am so proud of myself . A few years ago I would have let my excuses win. Coming into this new chapter of my life, I know that things are going to be different. I said in the a few posts back, that a year from whatever date that was, lol…that my life was going to drastically change. That I will be different.
HERE I AM. Many doors have closed. And to my surprise, so many more have opened. We all get lost in the tunnels of life. Sometimes it’s completely dark. Sometimes there are little holes with sunlight beaming through. Sometimes faith steps in and the stones crumble just enough to give way to an opening big enough for us to climb out. It’s just a matter of having the fight to push forward. To climb even when we can’t even feel our fucken legs.
As I marched yesterday, I was filled with so much pride. In being a woman. In being a person of color. In being a lesbian. In being a mom. In being an American. When one of the speakers said, who by the way is from Stockton 🙂 “I’m black and queer and a woman.” Don’t quote me exactly 😁 It reasonated with me. Her struggles are my struggles. A white woman will never understand what it’s like to be a colored woman. A straight woman will never understand what it’s like to be a gay woman. But that doesn’t matter. Cause as women marching, we all have one thing in common and that is love for one another. No matter what backgrounds we come from, we were all out there fighting for each other. We were united in love. And we know that love will always conquer all and that’s why we march. It was a great day. I know half of America sat home and criticized us but they cannot deny our passion and strength. I’ve never witnessed anything so dynamic in my life (besides a black president. I love Obama!😍). I am so grateful and blessed to have been a part of it. This is a segway to so much more. So many great things to come. These little seeds I’ve planted through the years, they’ve harvested. But i always continue to plant. It never stops.
Last thoughts. WE the PEOPLE have the opportunity to create a future in which our children can thrive. Without fear of evil taking away their livelihood, I urge you to be involved. To take action and participate. It matters. Every one-act of kindness matters. Every step towards progression matters. Sitting at home running our mouth does nothing. So get involved any way you can. We need it more than ever right now.
Hopefully you include mother earth and our animals in your list of things to fight for as well. Cause after all, we’re all interconnected.
To embrace a new but always was…this is the reason why I was created. This is my journey.