Intrigued, where has this feeling been all my life? Intense. I can’t quite put my finger on it…I can’t explain it. Everything from past experiences have led me to this, although I didn’t know it at the time.
We bounce back and forth with raw emotions and uncertainty. I found myself longing for something that I now know wasn’t something that I needed at all. I take that back, the experience was worthwhile because it taught me how to be vulnerable. It actually isn’t such a bad thing. It’s a reminder from the universe that I must let myself feel. I mean REALLY FEEL. Not halfheartedly, but wholeheartedly. It’s a reminder that my heart is a living, beating magical masterpiece.
I’ve always been very good at being detached. Realizing I am incapable of fighting every weakness means I’m growing…I think -_- I’ve gone through life and built relationships with one foot out the door. Why? Simple…hurt and fear. Those who have gone through things learn to build layers. It isn’t something crafted like fine art. It’s reckless. It’s unaware. There’s no harmony in it. Just layers and layers of spattered paint. In our eyes it makes perfect sense while others see us as broken.
Granted I’m true to my nature. I’m a Virgo so the core of me is who I am and it’s never going to change. I’m cautious when it comes to EVERYTHING. Bad experiences can cause extra excess baggage to turn any sign a bit fearful. It’s human nature to want to shield ourselves once we’ve been wronged.
You know the old saying, the older you get, the wiser you become? Sooo true! I’m so much more comfortable in my skin. I’m definitely more level-headed as well. I know now life isn’t about sheltering yourself from pain. It’s actually about truly feeling. Good and bad. I know now it’s OK to crawl in bed for a day or two with the curtains closed. It’s OK to cry in the shower. There’s nothing weak about that. It’s our heart functioning. Don’t soak for too long though. If you follow me you know I can’t stand self-pity. The reality is, life will always go on. Know that it will past. Always look for the light because it will find you IF you let it.
So..back to why I started writing this morning. I have this feeling weighing heavily on my shoulders right now. Hmmm…lets see if I can explain it more poetically 🙂
I’m a bit speechless, you’ve taken me by surprise.
What I thought, was in fact, so not true at all. Forgive my assuming nature and critical eye.
I have fallen to the depths of your charismatic aura.
You appeal to all my senses.
With you I see it runs deep.
With you lies passion, it’s easy to see within your eyes.
There is nothing shallow regarding you. By all means you come as real as it gets. And that, I truly admire.
It’s unsaid but we both know the truth. There is this karmic bond that I can’t explain.
Time doesn’t stand still but your presence has.
Fate kept you lingering. Always at a distance but none the less, you were always there.
Appearing at all the wrong and right moments.
You’re aggressive, I’m a bit passive.
Did I seem aloof and uninterested? Understand that comes from my reserve and shy manner.
Uncertain and fearful of the outcome, I couldn’t just continue with the thought of you. I needed to know you.
One step forward, two steps backwards? I of all people know things happen for a reason.
That…I am OK with.
Know that I too, fear and have insecurities.
Time is what’s needed I know.
We’re two souls that have connected. Whether it be for love or friendship, you’ve captured my mind.
I am completely intrigued by the thought of you.
Whatever it may be, I’m here.
I like you in my space. Just in case you didn’t know 🙂
(Written…some time over the summer, lol. 2014)