By why I had to let you go…
your arms are the chains that wrap around my neck
your body is the anchor that connects to the chains
you pull me down, so far under
beneath who I am
i find it hard to breath
you’re constantly pulling, weighing me down
i love you
all of you
it’s still not enough
your reasoning
your past
somehow makes it ok for you to torment me
to hurt me
to make me cry
and i still loved you
i prayed with all I have that somehow I can heal you
but I’ve realized, no amount of me will ever be enough
the demons you carry are powerful
you give them so much meaning
you hold on to them like a crutch
you stay in a state of brokenness
in a state of needing
i love you
but I’m so exhausted from just trying to breath
a natural act has become so hard with you
you spiral to the deep, dark parts of your soul
and every time I find myself there with you
trying to keep you afloat all while risking myself…my well being, for you
constricted by your chains as you continue to pull me down
light flickers through rippling waters above me
underneath the moving current, the chasing of waves… light still finds a way in through the darkness that surrounds me.
i’m choking
almost out of life
i must go
i must survive
i cannot save you
i was never meant to
now I know, it was my own soul that needed saving
from all the obligations I afflicted upon myself
the good in me allowed takers to keep taking
i allowed you to leave me feeling lifeless while you fill up your own cup
the kindness in me knew you needed me
the compassionate in me knows you didn’t mean any harm
my soul has been calling for me
tired of putting it second
tired of always running when you call
finally…
my rose-colored glasses are off
clarity beams in
only you can help yourself
and I give myself permission to set myself free
i’m sorry love, but this is why I have to let you go
