I’ve been feeling extremely lazy lately. Judging myself and feeling guilty for not wanting to do anything but Netflix (a little HBO too…decided I am NOT a – The Game of Thrones fan. Forced myself all the way to the second season and still found too many scenes disturbing)
but yeah…that’s all I’ve been wanting to do.
I tired mediating and getting back into my rhythm. Nothing seemed to help. Finally, I was just like…whatever. I stopped trying to force myself to do anything I didn’t feel like doing.
Last night after I put my Fitbit on (I like to track my sleep), I turned on my relaxing melodies and hoped to fall asleep quickly. But I didn’t. I laid there thinking why am I so tired all the time? Why am I so unmotived lately? What the heck is going on that has me feeling so down? Oh, I won’t forget to mention Lucy (my pup who has passed) came to visit me just a few nights ago. I think about her every day. The pain isn’t excruciating like it used to be. I haven’t cried the way I did that morning after the dream in a long time.
Pondering. I started reflecting back on everything that I could think of this past year. For the first time, I saw exactly how much of a change it has been. I had a steady couple of years prior to 2018. Life was easy. Calm and well balanced. No major shifts of ups or downs.
But 2018…it felt like FML for most of the year. What’s that saying? Water off a duck’s back or something? That’s me. Things happen, I fix it then move on. Leaving myself with a minimal amount of time to play the victim. This year, every month I felt like I was in a dark hole. Well, maybe not every month. I certainly had more downs than ups this year.
As I lay there pondering, I was like WOW, I’m burnt out. 2018 has been exhausting. My body has never been so tense. EVER. I even started to see a chiropractor. For those who don’t know me, I HATE all things mundane. And going to the doctor, blah. Having crappy insurance makes it even easier for me to avoid the doctor. Seriously…Mr. President, the Senate, Congress and whoever the fuck else is involved in the decision making of healthcare for THE PEOPLE, get it together already. It’s criminal what you do us. People go bankrupt and more often than not, DIE from curable illnesses. Just ask the youngest woman ever elected to Congress. She’s been forthright about how great her new insurance is 😒
Did I totally go off topic? 🤦😁 anyways…
I love getting caught up in storylines. Whether it be a movie, a series, a book or an article. I never really take binge-watching to the extreme but I sure have recently. I won’t say I’ve been avoiding things or not trying to feel. My brain never turns off. I’m dissecting constantly. I think there has been so much going on and I needed to slow down. Breath.
So yeah, what a year it’s been. The astrology plays right along with what has been going on with me. I have some questions I still need answers to though. Mercury comes out of retrograde tonight, December 6th. I think things will start to become a lot clearer. I’ll discuss this on my podcast. The whole “entering a new cycle of our lives” theme I have going on right now. This is definitely a karmic cycle coming to an end for me. Finally! The past is another time and my future has no space for it any longer. There are no more bags, thank God! I’m a little nervous coming into 2019, to be honest. My life has changed massively this past year.
I guess we will see 🤞
Are you ready for 2018 to end? I read an article on the theory of setting goals versus a theme. It made a lot of sense. Maybe I won’t set any goals for 2019…hmmm 🤔 yeah right LOL.