Tag: Life lessons

You had a good thing, right in front of you

You had a good thing, right in front of you. 

If you reached for me, I’d be there.

And I would always be…

there to comfort you when you needed to be held.

there to kiss you when you’d ask.

there to listen when you needed to be heard.

You had a good thing, right in front of you.

Until…

You took me for granted.

When you refused to hear me.

When I opened up and received nothing from you in return.

I kept giving because you kept asking.

You wanted effort and that I gave.

How foolish of me to not have learned when you left me to drown the first time. I stayed around still and that made you happy. It reassured you…that you were still who I wanted. I did it, happily.

So pathetic, blinded from the truth. What was my role in this charade?

I needed to work for you. Prove myself to you. I ran circles in my mind because your words kept us in a non-commital state.

I still needed to work, some more for you.

How did I get so lost?

It’s 3 am now and it hits me. I’m paying for the past. Righting any wrongs, I may have done. It must be.

A karmic lesson.

I thought maybe you were more…maybe a meant to be.

It’s easy to get lost in the fantasy of happily ever after. Deep down inside with all the contemplating and resisting, I knew. I was trying my best to blend oil and water. Just maybe by some miracle, it may work.

You made me feel alone more times than cared for. You were a lesson that brought up the forgotten pain from the past. I’ve discovered they’re still… kind of alive. DEEP, DEEP inside. But guess what else I also realized…

(What was all this working for you nonsense for again?)

It’s not that I don’t deserve you, although that’s what you might think. The truth is…I deserve more. It’s you that doesn’t deserve me. 

In case you need me to repeat myself. YOU DON’T DESERVE ME.

But hey, in the end, all that doesn’t really matter. All I know is I NEED and WANT MORE. Not someone I have to prove my worthiness too. Not someone who doesn’t value who I am.

You’ve lost me.

You were too stuck in your own mind to really see me. You forced me away in an unforgiving way.

I’m a bit angry. But it’s actually...just sad, really…

You had a good thing, right in front of you.

 

 

Photo credit @ Rebel Circus

Advertisements

Eventually You Have To Let Go

Have you ever held on to a thought, a want so tight that you actually believed it was destined? Like you connect all the dots and say to yourself, it has to be. This, this and this happened. It has to be. It’s all so elusive but your gut is saying it’s a sure thing.

The mind is very powerful. And is also a trickster. It will fool you into just about anything the heart desires. That job. That girl. That thing.

You would think they would learn how to better work together. You go months, even years with this concoction of fantasies. Holding on so tight to something that was never really meant to be yours.

There comes a point when you start to wonder and question all the dots that you connected. I think during this time your frequency starts to pick up static. You’re getting different signals. It connects but not fully. Now you’re left with an open line just waiting for the song to play clearly. It’s a very crucial time because it will alter the course of your life.

Will you patiently wait, slowing adjusting the knob (my age is showing, lol)? Or will you rush it and force the knob to find a connection, any connection?

The first choice I think is a good one. You’re already confused and unsure. To me, that signals you need to take a step back and zen out. Clear your mind and allow yourself the time to release what it is your holding on so tight too. Let the smoke clear. Then let whatever needs to come in follow.

Choice two…you’re desperate. Blindly searching for what you want without careful deliberation. If you keep chasing something that yields no return…you eventually have to face the truth. As hard as it may be, you must. That or either miss out on other possibilities that could be great.

The universe forces us when it has too. There are times when it’s nudging you. To think and rethink things.

There are a few questionable circumstances going on in my life right now. I’m not going to react. Instead, I’ll make a conscious decision to stay open and receptive to what the universe is asking of me. I’m not the best meditator but I will most definitely try these coming weeks. Let my inner being come out and tell me what the hell it is I’m supposed to be doing 😣 The last thing I need to do is run on emotions.

There are a couple of things that I have come to terms with. One is letting go. Things that I thought were meant to happen. Like I’m REALLY letting go. New beginnings are presenting themselves. A little scary I must admit. But life is so short and I refuse to let past hang-ups and let downs get in the way. #icant Regardless of the unwanted things that have happened in my life…I really am grateful to be alive. Truly.

Conclusion…you can hang on for as long as you like. But eventually, you have to let go. Some things in this life just weren’t meant for you. Maybe the next one 🤷 Have faith and keep moving forward.