I kinda feel like I’m just growing out of a lot of things. People, places, things. Previous wants and desires, they’ve all sort of changed.
I was thinking today, what is the point? There are a few things that I incorporate into my daily life that seem pretty useless. I got rid of Facebook a while ago and I have zero interest to go back to it. I use to like Instagram but now it seems just like another Facebook. I’m over it. I tried Snapchat then realized I’m just not that into sharing my life. I don’t know. Maybe I’ve realized how out of touch people are now. You know how many dinners and outings I’ve attended where people are walking and looking down at their phones? That was me at one point. Then I realized why. I wasn’t satisfied with the space that I was in. Too concerned with the outside world and not enjoying the moment. There is a time and place for everything. I don’t understand the need to check social media or text when you have someone sitting across from you. Guess what? I’ve actually had interactions where there was no need to get on my phone. Like we actually enjoyed our conversation. We weren’t trying to be in another space. Some people are OK with choppy conversations and constant “I’m sorry, what were you saying?” I’m not that person. I refuse to be in a crowd like that now. You’re alone but not really. Like why?I rather sit at home than waste an hour of my life with someone constantly checking their phone.
It’s time I stop forcing myself into being someone I’m just not. Putting myself in environments I don’t wanna be in…again like why? I don’t need attention. I don’t need connections just for the sake of having connections. Hell, I don’t even like being around a lot of people. I’m not a fan of fakness and pretending like we actually have things in common.
“I’m sick and tired of the photo shop,” Kendrick Lamar. Yeeeeesss. Me too! I use social media as a platform to try to spread positivity. But it’s starting to feel like a chore. All the stuff I see online… SMH I just can’t. I need to stick to what feels right and do it my way. I much prefer volunteering than posting a photo of “you should be.” I’m wasting my time.
I like to write. I like art, poetry and great conversations. So…I think anything that allows me to express myself in a meaningful way I will continue with. Everything else is just noise. I’m cutting out all the noise and strictly focusing on things of substance. This goes for everything in my life. I’m trying to live out my “Personal Legend.” In order to do that I need to listen to my heart. And scrolling through Instagram in the morning isn’t listening to my heart.
I’m looking at life through a clearer lens now. Not so foggy. Letting go of the person I once was. I think that’s a part of growth. Everything that I’ve experienced was meant to bring me to this place. It’s a new place. Like when you do spring cleaning. It clears out old things and prepares room for the new.
My old ways of thinking have been replaced with a higher level of thinking. I value my time and how I spend it. I’m pickier than ever now. I’ve spent too many years around negative energy. It’s taught me some things though. I see people who continue to live in negative cycles. Nothing ever changes. Living a life full of complaints is normal. What kind of life is that? I don’t want that kind of life. I’ve gone through plenty of shit to make me into a bitter bitch. Nope. I choose not to be a victim of my circumstances. I love myself way too much to just throw it all away by living in a manner less than I deserve. I was created for a reason. And I’m going to live out my purpose. I know that no matter what, I’m not alone. I mean think about it. We didn’t create ourselves. We are a part of a much greater force than our trials and tribulations.
Yeah… it’s when you cut out the noise that brings upon so much clarity. Distractions and negative energy will only keep you stagnant. Growing pains aren’t always easy. And there will be some things you have to do that you don’t want to do. You always have a choice. And whatever you choose, you’ll have to be OK with it. Regardless of what others may think or feel. No one can say there is anything wrong with YOU trying to be a better YOU.