Tough Lessons We Have To Teach


No, you can’t have that. No, you can’t go there. No, you don’t deserve it. No, you can’t stay on the team.

One of the first words children learn is NO. Why? There are tough lessons we have to teach as a parent. It’s not always easy. That may be why you see a lot of young children overweight. A rude child is usually the making of a parent spoiling them. See those kids that run buck wide at the grocery store or restaurant? Some parents will put their kids in check real quick while others don’t care and let them continue to misbehave.

No, is their first word.
No, is their first word.

There is no manual on how to raise children. Like I said in a previous blog post, Common Sense isn’t so common anymore. I understand we all have different parenting styles. But I’d say there are some clearly right and wrong things laid out when it comes to raising kids.

My son who is a newly teenager lives up to the typical teenage boy. If you have one, you’ll know they stink and eat everything. Unless you’re the exception and your boy is clean and watches what he eats, LOL.

I now understand how puberty changes children. The human body goes through all sorts of changes. We all go through these phases in life and maturity is reached differently for everyone. Fascinating if you really think about it. Why were we created this way? Who knows.

Parents kinda have to wing it, LOL. We have to try to be understanding. We have to remember how we were and how the world is different from when we were kids.

I didn’t have the internet and social media didn’t exist. We had chat rooms and pagers. Remember those? We had free cable because we got lucky and moved into a duplex and the previous tenant didn’t disconnect it. Oh, how I loved the MTV channel. But eventually, the cable company figured it out and I was heart-broken. Bye, bye music videos. I did have a Nintendo. But I remember we only played it when we weren’t outside. We didn’t want to stay in the house, we wanted to play, OUTSIDE. Nowadays, you’re lucky if your kid even turns off the computer. I am far from a perfect parent but I do try to monitor his electronic usage. And because of that, he will go outside and “play.” It’s more like “hang out” now but at least he cares about other things and not just the TV screen. It’s important to me that he doesn’t think it’s normal to spend all day watching TV. Life passes by real quick if that’s all you do.

He’s always been a pretty good student. But I, out of all people know that middle school changes a kid. You think you can trust your teenager and bam! You’re a sucker. I’ve been a sucker.

I had a hard time sticking to punishments when he was little. He’d be grounded but the next day I’d give into something. Like you can’t watch TV but you can watch one movie, LOL!  I laugh at myself now. He played me like a deck of cards. I admit some of his troubles now are because I wasn’t tough enough. I didn’t follow through when he needed to be taught a lesson. I am paying the price for it now.

We’re at a very critical time in his life right now. Well, all years are but it’s a different ball game when they reach teenage years. High school, college, his future is at stake and I’ve realized it’s time for some tough love. When your kids are small it’s hard. They have those puppy dog eyes, don’t they? As teenagers, you don’t wanna deal with the raft of their crappy attitude when they don’t get their way.

I had to really think about this. He plays basketball. It’s a very expensive league that also takes a lot of my time. Do I keep him in when he misses multiple assignments? GPA drops and disregards my rules? No right? Of course not. But actually pulling him out still wasn’t easy. I know he’s going to be extremely upset and heart-broken. Who wants to break their kid’s heart?

Responsibility and self development is key.
Responsibility and Self-development is key.

But…I have too. All the times I said no to candy and junk food was for his benefit.  Not letting him go too far was to keep him safe. I know we can’t be too strict, that line isn’t very clear for me. There isn’t anything I can reference when I try to make a decision. I’ve had people tell me I shelter him too much.  Like I said, everyone parents differently. I guess when comes from a place of love and wanting only the best for your child it can’t be wrong. Mistakes happen, we’re not perfect parents but when we try our best, that has to mean something right?

I believe there are a lot of people who shouldn’t be parents but what can I do…nothing. Some may call me judgmental but having a child is the most important job you will ever have. Too many people take it lightly. Like it’s just the thing to do. Maybe that’s why child slavery is so high today.

Anyways, back to my son. He doesn’t even know he’s off the team yet. I only emailed the director to let him know. My son will know later tonight. His coach sent me a few texts letting me know he really likes RJ and it’s going to suck for the team, but he backs my decision. I’ll be taking him to drop off his uniform at today’s practice. Coach is looking forward to seeing him. It’s going to be hard for my son. To have to face his coach and say goodbye to his teammates. He let them down and he is going to feel it tonight. SMH…tough lessons we have to teach.

It’s really all about responsibility and a part of self-development. This is key to raising kids into becoming great people. I don’t want him to be just a body that exists, I want him to be someone great. I want him to have a great, meaningful life. I want him to be different and not the status quo of what most men are now. I have higher standards for my son.

Whatever he decides to do with his life in the future is his choice. But I need to make sure he has the right skills, mentality, and heart when he goes off into the world. So right now, even though he probably doesn’t understand, I’m giving him choices in the future. I will have to fight with him more than I ever did before. I will have to play a tough guy when all I really want to do is love him and have him happy. It’s hard, but for his sake, I must. The world is tough. It’s cold out there, I just want him to be prepared so he can be all he can be.

If you have any stories or advice, please share. We all just want to do right by our children. Sometimes we need a little help. Wish me luck tonight! Take care 🙂

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