What Am I Doing?

Ever felt like you didn’t know what the heck you were doing? You look at your life and you say to yourself…what the heck am I doing?!

I sit at work and I say to myself, what am I doing, what is this for? Then I have to really think about it and remind myself why. The answer is I have a child to feed and take care of. I have a mortgage,  car payment and bills to take care of. I need health insurance as well because in America healthcare is ridiculously expensive. Their handout consists of $200 a year with a deductible of $2500. Yes, this is the wonderful life of trading hours for dollars. Trading dollars for care. America’s healthcare is a joke. Canada sounds pretty good. Don’t get me wrong, I love America and truthfully I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else in the world. But, as a nation we are so screwed up.

We’re upon a financial crisis…why? Because we are TOP heavy. Period. Dishonest politicians. These educated politicians who went to college but don’t know how to balance a budget. This has gone on for so long that it’s become fairly unfix-able. The people always pay the price. And the rich always say we’ve earned it, but they forget about all the loop holes that defines the saying, “the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.”  But the poor can’t keep playing pity me as well. It’s all a blame game if you ask me. I do have a problem with the middle class getting screwed over and over. If you looked at what we made decades ago, you’d know that we are actually very poor now. We make way less. Look it up.

BUT, the FACT is those things have no bearing on what I can do with my life. Cause you see, I control my life. The government can affect me somewhat. And so can people. But bottom line I control how I handle each and every situation and what the outcome will be. And so do you.

What do you choose?
What do you choose?

Reflecting…

As I’m sitting here thinking about the world and my life, I’ve come to the realization that something is missing. I mean my life is pretty good. I have SO MUCH more than others  have. At 31, I’d say I’ve done pretty good. With the little I have, I’ve been able to make it through some pretty tough times.  I don’t have a huge family or lots of true friends. Just a handful.

I’m not rich but I do OK. My son is very well provided for. You can’t count the fact that I refuse to spend $200 on a pair of shoes that he will grow out of in 6 months. That’s just insane….right? I own a home, drive a nice car. My job pays me OK.  A decent amount of vacation time. Benefits I mentioned.

My entrepreneur spirit is pretty fierce. I’m smart enough to figure out I can be my own boss and create my own fortune. This is a work in progress but I can guarantee you I’ll come out on top of this as well. I am very thankful for ambition because most people I know don’t have it.

But with all of this, I still feel like there is something missing. I sit here and I think to myself, what am I doing?! Spending 8 hours doing nothing. I mean it’s work, it pays the bills. But it’s soooo meaningless. A 9-5 use to not bother me so much. I busted my butt to succeed in the corporate world. At that time, it all seemed so worth it. The image, the business women working in a tall corporate, classy building. Now it’s like shoot me before I continue on a path of nothing-less. I mean I wouldn’t mind the image if it meant I was doing something meaningful. I think that’s the bottom line. I hate that I am wasting my time away doing something that does nothing for the world. It’s starting to eat me up like never before. But I have to work right? Gotta take care of the family.

So,  what can I do? That, I am still in the process of figuring out. Volunteering as much as possible has been a high priority. It feels right, it feels good and it means something. For now, that’s all i can do.  It may not be on a huge scale but it’s a start. I spend my time on a lot of social media sites. Spreading the word and I know I do help others in this form. Even changed some minds of some who totally didn’t agree with me before. Got others to vote and watched a presidential debate for the first time. People who didn’t know human trafficking is a booming business in 2013 now know. I even have some people questioning the carnivore life style. Social media is powerful. Some have no idea  how much good you can do with it. There is always a bad side of course, like anything else. Gotta be smart and extremely careful.

I guess for now I’ll keep truckin. I can’t dwell in misery. Boredom is painful, but I guess that will be the motivating factor to keep me pushing forward. Working on my new to-do list. Adventure here I come 🙂

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About me…let’s see….I would say I am a TRUE Virgo. If you knew me, then you would so agree. There are quite a few things I care deeply about. Off the top of my head, I would say with much passion, my family, friends, the environment and world peace. Oh and animals. Can't forget them. I think I love animals more than most humans, lol. I believe it’s important to surround yourself with good people. Be picky with who you let in your circle. The environment, the earth does not belong to us. We are merely just visiting for a period of time. So lets no abuse it. World peace, that’s a hard one. It’s not a perfect world, but wouldn't it be wonderful if every child, women and man were safe? We can’t change the world and every single soul living on earth. But one person can make a great difference in the surroundings in which they live. Wouldn't you agree? Let’s not forget what fuels my soul, music. It speaks for me when I can’t. It expresses my feelings when I am unaware of what they are. It has a way of lifting my spirits when I am down. It has this magical power that is able to touch my heart with just lyrics alone. I wouldn't know what I would do without it. Poetry, I love poetry. In all forms...written or spoken.

3 thoughts on “What Am I Doing?

  1. I know how you feel! I’m happy that I’ve figured this out also, maybe the thing you are missing is passion in your craft? Follow my posts as i seek and learn also.

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