Tag: Complicated

You had a good thing, right in front of you

You had a good thing, right in front of you. 

If you reached for me, I’d be there.

And I would always be…

there to comfort you when you needed to be held.

there to kiss you when you’d ask.

there to listen when you needed to be heard.

You had a good thing, right in front of you.

Until…

You took me for granted.

When you refused to hear me.

When I opened up and received nothing from you in return.

I kept giving because you kept asking.

You wanted effort and that I gave.

How foolish of me to not have learned when you left me to drown the first time. I stayed around still and that made you happy. It reassured you…that you were still who I wanted. I did it, happily.

So pathetic, blinded from the truth. What was my role in this charade?

I needed to work for you. Prove myself to you. I ran circles in my mind because your words kept us in a non-commital state.

I still needed to work, some more for you.

How did I get so lost?

It’s 3 am now and it hits me. I’m paying for the past. Righting any wrongs, I may have done. It must be.

A karmic lesson.

I thought maybe you were more…maybe a meant to be.

It’s easy to get lost in the fantasy of happily ever after. Deep down inside with all the contemplating and resisting, I knew. I was trying my best to blend oil and water. Just maybe by some miracle, it may work.

You made me feel alone more times than cared for. You were a lesson that brought up the forgotten pain from the past. I’ve discovered they’re still… kind of alive. DEEP, DEEP inside. But guess what else I also realized…

(What was all this working for you nonsense for again?)

It’s not that I don’t deserve you, although that’s what you might think. The truth is…I deserve more. It’s you that doesn’t deserve me. 

In case you need me to repeat myself. YOU DON’T DESERVE ME.

But hey, in the end, all that doesn’t really matter. All I know is I NEED and WANT MORE. Not someone I have to prove my worthiness too. Not someone who doesn’t value who I am.

You’ve lost me.

You were too stuck in your own mind to really see me. You forced me away in an unforgiving way.

I’m a bit angry. But it’s actually...just sad, really…

You had a good thing, right in front of you.

 

 

Photo credit @ Rebel Circus

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“Modern” or whatever dating, I refuse it.

I’m a fan of The Thought Catalog. I love the variety of writers on there. They range from teens to 36 and older. You get prospectives from all ages and their experiences. Want to find someone who shares your same anxiety or depression, they’re on there. Health, lifestyle…heck even finances. Search and you will find.

Today, I read a few articles on modern-day dating. I’m in awe of some of the stories. Do people really meet on Tinder and hook up the same night? I mean ladies who date men, are you not scared that’s he’s a psychopath? Like, how do you know these random strangers are clean?! #virgoproblems 😂😂😂

And then you have the girls who talk about modern-day dating bullshit. Waits 3 days to text back. Don’t be too available. Too clingy. Are we dating or just having sex. He hasn’t called me in a week but he’s on Instagram liking photos. We went away together and I haven’t heard from him since. Why would he go to all that trouble to woo me if he didn’t like me? He liked a photo of mine from months ago. He has to be into me.

OMFG 🤦🤦🤦

I’ve done online dating but it’s been a long while. I decided to go on and check out the dating pool. It’s changed. Maybe because it’s so saturated now. I deleted my profile within a week. I get it when people say modern-day dating sucks. It is a lot of work and so much wasted time. I don’t know how it’s possible to find a true connection on dating apps now. I mean, if I spent hours a day filtering and causally chatting then just maybe…MAYBE I might find one person worth having a conversation with outside of the app. BUT my time is so valuable to me. Or maybe I’m not really serious about finding someone…? 🧐

It seems like a whole lot of nonsense. I don’t think I have the patience for modern-day dating. To me, it should be simple.

1) I like your face.

2) Are you single?

3) What is your zodiac sign?

4) Can I have your number?

5) I will text you that same day and ask you out for coffee.

6) I will show up and pay for your drink.

7) We will sit across from each other.

8) We will have conversations about anything and everything.

9) I’m awkward and will let you end the date.

10) As I’m driving home I will decide right there and then if I’m interested.

11) I am interested and I will text you that night to let you know that I am.

12) Then we date. We get to know each other. Everything is on the table. What you want, what I want. No gray areas.

13) If we decide it’s not working then we say goodbye. If it is working, then we work more towards each other.

Ok…not so hard right? Yeah. That’s my kind of dating. Call me ancient but I’m just not into the “modern” or whatever dating, I refuse it. Don’t wanna be your snap friend. Don’t expect me to like all your photos. I’ll be frank, as an introvert I don’t want to share my love in squares for strangers to see. If I hold one thing sacred, that would be my feelings for someone I care for. Granted I blog and spill my heart out. But you don’t know if I’m writing from my own experiences or someone else’s. You can assume…but no one will ever know for sure. Just me 😁

Why do people make things so complicated? It’s not like I’m asking you to marry me on the first date hahahahaaa