Why I Had To Let Go

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why I had to let you go…

your arms are the chains that wrap around my neck

your body is the anchor that connects to the chains

you pull me down, so far under

beneath who I am

i find it hard to breath

you’re constantly pulling, weighing me down

i love you

all of you

it’s still not enough

your reasoning

your past

somehow makes it ok for you to torment me

to hurt me

to make me cry

and i still loved you

i prayed with all I have that somehow I can heal you

but I’ve realized, no amount of me will ever be enough

the demons you carry are powerful

you give them so much meaning

you hold on to them like a crutch

you stay in a state of brokenness

in a state of needing

i love you

but I’m so exhausted from just trying to breath

a natural act has become so hard with you

you spiral to the deep, dark parts of your soul

and every time I find myself there with you

trying to keep you afloat all while risking myself…my well being, for you

constricted by your chains as you continue to pull me down

light flickers through rippling waters above me

underneath the moving current, the chasing of waves… light still finds a way in through the darkness that surrounds me.

i’m choking

almost out of life

i must go

i must survive

i cannot save you

i was never meant to

now I know, it was my own soul that needed saving

from all the obligations I afflicted upon myself

the good in me allowed takers to keep taking

i allowed you to leave me feeling lifeless while you fill up your own cup

the kindness in me knew you needed me

the compassionate in me knows you didn’t mean any harm

my soul has been calling for me

tired of putting it second

tired of always running when you call

finally…

my rose-colored glasses are off

clarity beams in

only you can help yourself

and I give myself permission to set myself free

i’m sorry love, but this is why I have to let you go

 

Image by 1388843 from Pixabay

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