Unspoken words, hazy memories. It was a glance, a moment, the way you looked at me. Like a work of art displayed in a museum. You want so bad to touch it, feel it, even just slightly graze it. But the sign says in bold letters, “No Touching Allowed.”
I am undeniably hard to get close to.
You admire me from a far. Idealizing what it would feel like…to have my legs perfectly wrapped around you.
What would it be like to lay next to me? Will nights end with many soft kisses? Will I run my fingers through your hair? Will I hold you until you’re safely, sound asleep? Will mornings waking up to me feel like a beautiful spring day? Will butterflies circle around your heart? Will reaching out for me be the first thing you do? Will I open my sleepy eyes and smile just because you’re there?
Do you wonder how much I could possibly love you? As much as you could possibly love me? And does that scare you? Enough to dismiss me from your life entirely?
And THIS… is all…just in my head.
“The heart wants what it wants. There’s a million reasons why I should give you up, but the heart wants what it wants.”
I waited…patiently for you. I spent my time looking inward. I found myself comfortable with my own company. In a twisted way, your fears lead me to where I am now. As you filled your time with temporary fixes, I filled my time with getting to know myself. Within the waiting game…I watched you. From a quiet distance.
I see you in all the little things around me. You aren’t aware of how much you consume my mind. Some mornings you’re so overwhelming, some nights you keep me up. The more I try to denied it, the stronger your presence becomes.
A room filled with smoke, not an open widow in sight. Suffocating. I fight for a breath, I just need a little relief. But you continue to fill my lungs with smoke. You are the four walls and I am what’s left of fresh air.
My mind drifts, my heart drops, my feelings are so uncontrollable.
I’m getting lost in my dreams. I no longer know what’s real anymore. I imagine it constantly. Of how things would be. Of how things could be. Beautiful. Magical.
But I’ve awaken, I am now aware. It wasn’t real at all. Just a false hope. I was idealizing what my heart desired. Not what your heart desired.
The glances were just that, just a glance. The moments, the conversations, the wanting me in your space, it was all just for the moment. I too, was just one of your temporary fixes.
I’ve done the obsessing. Running it all through my mind continuously. The ending results have remained the same. I, here alone and you in someone else’s arms.
The truth hurts. And it’s even harder to face. But still, I sit here wondering if you ever think about me. A sad reality…of how the heart and mind can really fuck with you.
There’s a fine line with going after what you want. But there is also insanity with wanting someone who doesn’t want you.
I give up…The heart wants what it wants, there’s a million reasons why I should give you up, but the heart wants what it wants.